Episode 18: The Cost of Never Choosing Yourself — A Friday Reflection for Women Who Keep Waiting
The Cost of Never Choosing Yourself
"We spend so much time calculating the cost of taking action. We rarely calculate the cost of inaction."
— Kiley Suarez, The Joy Shift
You've run the numbers on what it would cost to choose yourself. What people might think. What might fall apart. What you'd have to give up.
But have you ever run the numbers on what it's costing you to keep waiting?
This Friday Reflection is a short, practical companion to Episode 17 — and it asks the one question most women in midlife never think to ask.
This episode is for you if:
•You listened to Tuesday's episode and felt something stir — and then the week got busy and nothing changed
•You know what you need but keep finding reasons to wait until things calm down
•You've been running on empty for so long that "functional" feels like enough
•You've never stopped to calculate what another year of putting yourself last actually costs
In this episode, you will:
– Sit with the question Kiley calls the one we never ask: What does it cost to keep waiting?
– Hear the three costs of inaction named plainly: another year of running on empty, another year of being functional instead of alive, another year of modeling sacrifice without joy for the people watching you
– Receive a single, concrete assignment for the weekend: 15 minutes for something that's just yours
– Learn the exact phrase to say out loud when guilt shows up — because hearing your own voice say it makes a difference
In this episode, we cover:
– Why we calculate the cost of action obsessively and almost never calculate the cost of inaction
– What "functional instead of alive" actually looks like in daily life — and who else pays the price
– The guilt reframe to say out loud: "This isn't selfish. This is refueling. And when I refuel, everyone gets a better version of me."
– The 15-minute challenge: what counts, when to do it, and what to do when the guilt shows up
– What it means when something is stirring in you — and why the world needs you awake
A question to sit with this weekend:
What would it cost you to keep waiting? Not what will it cost to take action — what is it already costing you to stay where you are?
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It is such an honor to do this work alongside you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
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Transcript
Hey, there. Welcome to Friday Reflections, where we take what we talked about earlier this week and make it real.
If you listened to Tuesday's episode and, you know, we went deep on why passion isn't selfish and why abandoning it actually costs everyone in your life, not just you. Today I want to get practical. Because understanding something and actually doing it are two very different things.
So grab your coffee or your tea and let's sit with this for a few minutes first. I want you to think about this week. Did you take any time, and I mean any time, even five minutes, for something that's just yours? Something.
Something that fills you rather than depletes you? If you did even once, I want you to pause and acknowledge that that's not nothing. That's you choosing yourself that matters.
If you didn't, I want you to get curious about why not judgmental. Curious. Was it time? Was it guilt? Was it that old voice telling you that there's too much real stuff to get done first?
Because here's what I've noticed. We usually know why we're not choosing ourselves. We've just gotten really good at pretending we don't.
Here's the question I want to leave you with this weekend. What would it cost you to keep waiting? We spend so much time calculating the cost of taking action. What will people think? What if I fail?
What if this is irresponsible, but we rarely calculate the cost of inaction. Another year of running on empty. Another year of being functional instead of alive.
Another year of teaching the people who love you that this is what adulthood looks like. Sacrifice without joy. Responsibility without room for you. What does that cost? I'm not asking you to blow up your life.
I'm asking you to look honestly at what you're already losing by pretending your needs don't matter. Okay. Here's what I want you to try. Before we meet again On Tuesday, claim 15 minutes. That's it. 15 minutes for something that lights you up?
Maybe it's early Saturday morning with your coffee before anyone else is awake. Maybe it's Sunday afternoon while everyone's watching football. Maybe it's a lunch break you actually take. Here's the important part.
When the guilt shows up, and it will, I want you to say this out loud. This isn't selfish. This is refueling. And when I refuel, everyone gets a better version of me. Don't just think it, say it.
Hearing your own voice, speak it out loud makes a difference. And then do the thing. Read the book, write the paragraph, take the walk. Whatever fills you up. Do a Zumba. Whatever it is. Fifteen minutes.
That's the whole assignment. Before I go, I want you to know something.
If you've been listening to this show and something's been stirring you, and if you've been feeling that pull toward wanding more, that's not you being greedy or ungrateful. That's you waking up. And the world needs you awake. I'll see you Tuesday.
For our next full episode, we're going to talk about what happens when the people around you push back on your changes and how to stay with yourself through it. Until then. Take your 15 minutes. You're worth it. Talk soon. No urgency, no fixing. Just noticing. I'll meet you back here Tuesday.
This is the Joy Shift with Kiley Suarez. Okay, here's what I have to say to make the lawyers happy.
The Joy Shift podcast with Kiley Suarez shares my personal views and the experiences of my guests. And it's meant for inspiration and conversation, not medical, psychological, or financial advice. Everyone's situation is different.
Before making any big changes in your life, talk with your healthcare provider, mental health team, financial advisor, or another qualified professional. Take what resonates, leave the rest. Always choose what's right for you.
